There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

Jun

2

FCE - June 1

June 2, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

Dear students,

For your next class, don’t forget your homework:

- Coursebook: page 36 (exam focus) and page 38 (vocabulary 2)

Cheers,

Rick

May

29

CAE - May 29

May 29, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

Dear students,

Today’s homework is:

- Coursebook: Page 87 (Vocabulary 2) and Page 89 (exercise 4)
- Maximiser: Pages 60, 61 and 62

Don’t have a cow, guys!!!

May

29

Does your dog like Jazz?

May 29, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

May

28

Americans versus British

May 28, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

As the dust began to settle after my recent move to London, I was plagued by a gnawing sensation that something was missing. So I did a quick mental checklist. Let’s see: phone accounts set up, TV and internet connected, kids settled into schools, pictures hung in a way that suggests we might commit to living here. So what was troubling me, I wondered?

And then it dawned on me: no therapist. I’m an American. So for me, having a shrink is pretty much a way of life. It’s like owning a car or eating organic. Once you’ve attained a certain level of income, education and neurosis, therapy’s just part of the package.

In the US, practically everyone I know has a therapist. Often they have several: one to do the head shrinking, another to administer the medication, a third thrown in to control an eating disorder or smoking addiction. My sister, a fellow member of the therapy-as-life-strategy genre, recently noted that her family has more therapists than members.

I assumed it would work the same way over here. Wrong. This instantly became clear when I went to see my general practitioner, the first port of call for all things medical in the UK. Our conversation went something like this:

She: “So, what can I help you with today?”

Me: “Well, I’m looking for a therapist.”

She: “Um, excuse me, a what? Do you mean a physical therapist? An aroma therapist?”

Me: (Perplexed) “No, I had in mind more of an everyday sort of therapist – you know, like a psychotherapist.”

She: (Cough) “I see. Are you schizophrenic?”

Me: (Taken aback) “Uh, no!”

She: “Psychotic? Bipolar? Suicidal?”

Me: (Aghast) “No! I just want someone to – you know – talk to about stuff.”

She: “Hmm. I’m afraid I don’t know what to tell you. I could get you a referral if you had a severe mental illness, but as you describe yourself, you just don’t fit the bill.”

At this point, my eyes were practically bulging out of my head. “But you’re a doctor!” I wanted to scream. “In the States, you could ask your dentist for anti-depressants and they’d give them to you.” But instead I took a more sociological approach. By now, you see, I was really fascinated by the utter disconnect in this conversation. “So, what do people do over here when they have issues?” I asked.

She looked genuinely puzzled, and shrugged, and I could see her filing away “issues” as a peculiarly American accessory, like personalised licence plates or over-sized coffee mugs. “I don’t know. I suppose they just… muddle through.”

Muddle through. With a single parsimonious turn of phrase, my doctor had just encapsulated the biggest cultural divide between the UK and the US that I’d encountered while living in London, but never put my finger on. It explains why it does absolutely no good to complain to the customer service people when your internet connection isn’t fast enough. Or to yell at the power company when they keep telling you – for three months – that your new account is on its way. No one here complains, they just grin and bear it. “Mustn’t grumble,” they say.

It also explains the preponderance of what my husband calls “work-arounds”. The handle on your washer-dryer is broken? No problem, use this spatula to pry it open. Is your entire body covered with a red, itchy rash? Don’t go to the doctor, drink more water and avoid swimming pools.

At the battle of Waterloo, the Duke of Wellington is reported to have told a cavalry officer, “By Jove, sir, I think you’ve lost a leg.” To which the officer replied, “By Jove, sir, I believe I have.”

As a British friend of mine so aptly sums up: there’s a reason why some stereotypes are stereotypes. Americans really are more demanding and self-absorbed. Brits really are more stoic and inhibited. That’s just the way it is.

Recognising this in such explicit terms, I suddenly felt a lot better. Which naturally, only got me wondering: maybe I don’t need that shrink after all.

source: http://www.guardianweekly.co.uk/?page=editorial&id=942&catID=16

May

22

CAE - May 22

May 22, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

Homework:

- Maximiser: pages 56, 57, 58 and 59

- Coursebook: pages 85, 86 and 87 (Grammar 1)

Nest class we’ll continue working on Paper 5.

Cheers!!!

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